1). Last night the news had a segment on Whooping Cough. They had videos of children coughing. I've had seen these same images last week and they didn't affect me, but this time Craig pointed out one of the little boys looked like X. When I saw this little guy coughing so hard, I almost threw up and had that "zing" of adrenaline. I was almost back in those months leading up to our last hospital stay when X was so ill.
2). This morning X woke up stuffy and coughed on the gunk in his throat and immediately became nauseated. The puke bucket was back out, his feeding was paused and he was a bit panicked, but he was able to breathe through it and was okay. That definitely brought me back to the days of him being so sick ( he is so gaggy that any gunk in his throat makes him gag, and his tummy is so sensitive that any coughing makes him nauseous).
3). Tomorrow he'll get weighed and if he hasn't gained even a couple ounces, we need to add an hour to his feedings.
4). In October, X will have his feeding tube changed. For whatever reason, his system doesn't do well with these changes. Fall will be here before we know it.
5). Once fall is here, the flu and cold season begins. Whenever X gets any type of illness it results in throwing up and decreased feedings and weight loss.
6). N had his recheck for the patch on his eardrum last July. He still has a mild hearing loss and the audiologist said he had a small opening in his eardrum. For a while we thought N needed another surgery. Then the ENT removed some gunk from N's ear and he almost fainted. Poor guy had to lay down for a good 20 minutes in the office. He, thankfully, does not need surgery. The opening is the size of a pinhole, so we are good for now.
Sometimes I don't understand why I have the anxiety. We have had 3 months without throwing up or nausea (until this morning). And I am so grateful for these months. This is the best summer we have had in 5 years. I suppose some of this is to be expected. As long as I don't sit in the anxiety and dwell on all the things that could go wrong. The reality is, I have way more to be thankful for than to be worried about. Sometimes writing my worries down helps me to see the truth.
The truth is, X is not throwing up and we are not in the hospital. X is growing taller, even if he isn't gaining weight at the moment. He is wearing 4T shirts and shorts now. Last year at this time he was wearing 18 month shorts and 2T shirts. 3T shirts were huge on him. He is eating a huge variety of foods. Last year he would only eat crackers, cooked broccoli and peas, sun butter and jelly sandwiches and lunch meat. He would gag looking at most other foods and cry when foods were in his plate. We have a plan that works when he throws up when he is ill to keep him out of the hospital and help him tolerate his feeds. And the plan has worked. The doctors now understand X's GI system, even though he defies most medical sense and they understand I am not over exaggerating his symptoms. The radiologist knows where to place the g-j tube so X can tolerate it.
Okay, I think I just discredited all those anxieties. Sometimes I feel like a crazy person with all these thoughts swirling around. And luck you, you get a glimpse into my craziness ;). I would shut the share function off on this post, but I think I'd lose the whole post. Next time I'll shut the share function off on these types of posts before I start typing. And the next post will be about our camping trip earlier in the month.
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