Take it Easy

So, X threw up last night. And had a fever this morning. He was actually laying on the couch, covered up with a blanket, and quiet. Craig and I were going to some family friends' 50th anniversary celebration at Glensheen and were looking forward to be kid free and dressed up. That didn't happen. Craig stayed home with X.

I am trying to "take it easy" (whenever I say that I hear Nacho Libre saying it. I love that movie). I am not doing all that well "taking it easy". In fact, I should be hooking X up to his feeding pump right now, but I am stalling. X typically does well when he isn't hooked up, it's when he is getting his formula that causes problems. I know we have a plan and I have initiated the plan, but I am scared. Scared he'll get dehydrated again, be hospitalized again, we'll need puke buckets in every room again, and on and on.

This is random, but a few nights ago I noticed one of my hair clips was broken. I was brought right back to the hospital. From a dumb broken hair clip. But they all broke at the hospital and I wore them all the time and Craig had to get me new ones. I immediately remembered how my stomach felt, the exhaustion, the surrealism of it all, the smell of the hospital. All from a hair clip. Weird.

You know the verse, "do not worry about tomorrow....."? For me it's "do not worry about the next hour, half hour, ten minutes". I am still learning to live in the moment, to trust that God has this, that my anxiety will change nothing, and that Jesus will continue to give me whatever I need to help X. That being said, I am almost in tears thinking about hooking him up soon. So, I will take a deep breath, say a prayer, give this over to God, "take it easy" ( in a Nacho Libre voice), and hook X up to his feeding pump.


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